While a shamed person will 'apologise for living' a loved person will not. Love relationships have affirmed their right to be alive. They have healthy self-esteem; will value themselves. .
2. Taking Blame for Abuse: Shame issues can come up when an abuse victim talks about the belief that "I am to blame for what had happened." "I always felt that I was the reason she was upset because she never explained why she was unhappy all the time."
3. Not entitled to Good things: The shame core belief results in the loss of any sense that you are entitled to good things. The victim begins to expect bad things to happen in their life. This comes out when you say: "I don't deserve good things." "I don't believe I deserve happiness." Or I deserve a "rubbish" life. This can result in self punishment, accepting bad things, living with injustice, self-sabotage.
Christians may dwell on the idea that they have committed the unpardonable sin. Not true by the way, it just becomes an obsession because of the experience of living subject to the shame curse and developing the core belief that you are bad and do not deserve good things.
4. Loss of Hope: Loss of hope is the loss of the belief that life is good.
5. Oppression. Curses may cause one to be under an addictive obsession.
6. Fear and Hiding: "I was afraid of mother and would run and hide everyday I heard her coming onto the porch from work. I had fear of punishment from authority figures in subsequent years."
7. Try to gain love: "I tried to spend time around my mom by watching TV and walking to the store with her for groceries. I must have watched over a 1,000 movies with her and she never ever affirmed me or treated me as valuable or loving. I felt very sad and depressed that she did not." "I surmised that if I would be good, someone would love me. That did not work." (People Pleasing.)
8. Disengagement: I just slept all the time or laid down and closed my eyes. I would live inside my head and stay in my room. I recall saying, "forget them all, I don't need anybody."
9. Give up and shutdown: I recall saying, "forget them all, I don't need anybody." I pretended I was from another family and they would one day come and get me. I then gave up altogether on ever being loved in my home.
10. Go to Sleep: "I just went inside my head like I did in my home with my mom. I gave up on getting love from anyone. When being loving so that I will be loved did not work, and doing things to be loved didn't work. I then decided be perfect then I would be loved. This went on for years and years.
I went to sleep by going inside myself. I shutdown and did not act as my real self which is soft, kind, warm, trusting, open, loving. I became angry, critical, or nitpicky and very competitive with others. Mainly with my spouse and we would argue about everything and nothing he did was ever good enough. I complained all the time. I was hurt inside and I acted out a lot."
